Cougars

An open letter to the Muslim world

First of all, let me apologize on the behalf of the United States for the recent Koran incident, and the whole invasion of your lands thing. Trust me, if I were in charge, none of this would have happened in the first place, because we wouldn't be sticking our noses in your business to begin with. People in our country would be just as upset if there was a Muslim army here that burned a Bible. You'd have every fundamentalist Christian piled into their 15 passenger vans, headed for Washington, with gun stash in tow.

Secondly, if you read any of the comments on any of our local news sites, you'll probably think that the majority of the residents of our country who have access to computers hate anyone who isn't a white, Southern, heterosexual Christian that supports endless war. That, and despite English being a second language that you have had to learn in school, you still have the ability to read and write better than many of our native speakers. You'd be right on that, and slightly right on the first perception.

However not everyone in our country is a religious fanatic. They just tend to be more vocal, and gullible, and listen to a lot of AM talk radio. There's plenty of very well-educated people trying to balance out the national conversation and keep us from starting another war under the guise of "spreading democracy" which is really a code word for "getting more access to oil". Again, sorry about that.

We also have these creeps in common, people like Mullah Omar or James Dobson. Here we refer to them as "The American Taliban" since they both have this incredibly hypocritical, self-serving and fundamentalist interpretations of their respective religious texts. We both have fanatics who believe it is the will of God or Allah that their religion must be forcibly spread across the entire world, often at gunpoint. Speaking of "forcibly spreading", have you Googled "Santorum"? He's a national joke, so please don't think most of us take him seriously.

I will add that a lot of the support for the recent saber-rattling towards Iran is both from the religious fanatics who believe that this is the potential conflict that will initiate the end of the world as we know it, and the people who will make a lot of money off it. Trust me, it has little

to do with any support for Israel. Israel has nuclear weapons already, this is about more conflict and most Americans are tired of war. We really are. It is just the nutjobs and the military contractors.

I know that as a Jew, I am supposed to hate you and you are supposed to hate me but why? Since when did we have to participate in a deadly game created to divide people and then blindly defend the side we were placed on without our choice? Maybe one day people will wake up to understand that all of this hatred is propagated in order to keep us so bitterly divided that there is no chance of us ever uniting against the real enemy.

Until then, peace be unto you.

Homophobia

Fisherman's Blues

The truth is, you are not your newest big screen TV, your newest SUV or the bleached blonde with fake tits on your arm. We have been conditioned for years to believe that the "American Dream" is having the newest car, the best house, the tailored suit and the prettiest girl at your side. We have been taught that the more you have, the happier you are.

Happiness is not a private jet, membership to an exclusive fucking golf club or being part of a boardroom where finding new ways to pad the numbers guarantees your next golden parachute when the chips finally fall.

What am I trying to say? I am trying to say that wealth does not equal happiness. Some of the most content people I have known owned next to nothing. Years ago, I worked in a fishing tackle shop where we sold gear to the poorest of the poor and ordered the fanciest equipment for the elite, the 1%. It was always a rat race among the richest to have the newest, the "best" and most advanced equipment. Yet, you know who the happiest person was? It was an older gentleman, who in his 80's, lived on coastal islands and rowed his way from the Carolinas to Florida every winter.

There were many rumors about him, but the consistent one is that he was a son of rich people, a guy that went to WWII or Korea, and came back with PTSD. Supposedly he had money in a trust fund but he lived off the land. Out of all of my customers, he was my favorite in his white rubber boots, long gray beard and the slightly unpleasant aroma which suggested he had slept the last month on a tidal island in a canvas tent.

In 2005, he finally passed on to the other side. He was found in his rowboat 100 miles south. Secretly, I think we all envied him. I still do...

On the Road

The KKK

Homophobia