Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Don't touch my junk bro

Let me start by saying that I don't care if someone touches my junk as part of the security screening process on my next flight. I'd prefer if it was Kate Winslet or Kari from "Mythbusters" and we had some Barry White to set the mood but that's just my fantasy. After all, I'd rather not have it be the weary, overweight middle aged father of 4 who has been doing this for days on end. I'm sure he's as excited as I am about the whole process of checking to see I'm really that endowed or if I really did stash that much C4 in my Ralph Lauren Polo boxer briefs.

I'd like keep running with the illusion that I'm their first, that I'm special somehow and they chose me because of my ravishing good looks and devilish charm. No, I won't accept that I got randomly chosen for extra screening just so they can have a token, clean cut white guy as a proof they just don't search men who fit the profile we know they're really looking for. After all, I'm not that bad to look at. 6 ft tall, probably could pass for a Marine if it wasn't for that slight beer belly. Sure that's what I'll keep telling myself.

I guess it's the principle of the matter, that's where the concern comes from. I totally agree but don't blame the government. The majority of people who fly do it for the speed and convenience of this method of travel. I'm sure if you told them if there was a 1 in 1 trillion chance that their flight could end up in the 90th story of an office building if they didn't subject to a strip search and cavity probe, they'd probably wipe out the gloves and a nice little tube of lubricant. Under 3 ounces of course. Oh I'm sure there would be some mumbling and grumbling, but if you had to choose between a briefly uncomfortable experience that reminded you of that one time at camp or missing the meeting with the boss on the other side of the country, my money is on you closing your eyes and thinking of England.

I know it's an invasion of privacy and we're giving up our liberties, one at a time, to feel safe from the remote possibility that someone might set their underwear to explode. However, there's more to it than that. Every time we give up a liberty, no matter how trivial it seems, the terrorists win. Every time we allow our government to snoop into our personal affairs without a warrant and reasonable cause, the terrorists win. Every time we turn on each other over partisan politics and question someone's patriotism because of their beliefs, the terrorists win. This is not the first time we or our allies have faced an enemy bent on our destruction but why now are we such a nation of bedwetters about the whole thing? Granted we did some pretty horrible things to the Japanese Americans in WWII because we were afraid of secret alliances and such but we didn't give up civil liberties faster than you can say "jihad", just so we could feel safe.

So, what else are you willing to endure in order to feel safe? There's other places someone could conceal explosives or contraband like under a roll of fat or in one of a number of orifices. Are you willing to undergo random probes in order to feel safe? Where do you draw the line and decide you're no longer going to let some burnt out TSA agent fondle the family jewels just because there's a chance you're a member of sleeper cell comprised of equally burnt out suburban parents? Here's a little something I'll go ahead and clue you in on, unless somehow there's a rapture of some sort in your lifetime, there is a 100% chance that at some point, every single one of us will eventually take a dirt nap. With that being said, do you want to spend your entire life in a safe little cage or will you give a big middle finger to the Bin Laden's of the world and cease being afraid? Because, when you refuse to live in fear, terrorism cannot survive.

1 comment:

  1. Anyone who trades liberty for security, deserves neither liberty or security.-Ben Franklin