Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Don't take it so personally, it's just life

It all seems so long ago. It was another world, a seemingly parallel universe that has gone it's own direction, completely inaccessible from where I am now. There's still enough to remember it all by, a way to recall midnight suicide runs and the feeling, the invincibility of youth.
            We would never grow old, we would never sell out, and we would never settle for a common existence like so many other people.
            I suppose one could assume that when you're going to be when other people are waking for another 9 to 5 and driving their kids to school. "It's Saturday so this must be Norfolk", noon hangover cures at Waffle House, let's start drinking again. Some say alcohol blurs or dims the memory, for me, it helps paint a vivid recollection of exact places and times. Four pints in, arm in arm, singing as if your very life depended on the sheer volume of your exhilaration.
            Slowly, but surely, the doubt sets in. Not at first of course, because the new road seems so bright early on, but eventually the novelty is replaced by the shadows of discontent. Some say that the new path is a sign of maturity, when did maturity become a consolation prize? Is the grass actually greener where the sheep you once mocked feed in seeming content? Is it really possible to have the best of both worlds? There's only one way to find out. If it doesn't work out, there really isn't any coming back. Once you descend, your wings are gone and your fate is set, there is no return.
            For those that can remember those days that are gone forever, every day life is torture. The certainty and security that other people live for, is the monster under the bed that keeps me awake at night. Give it time, it becomes a lifetime. Give it a try and before you know it, the beatnik howl has been deadened to a muted whimper.
            Turn on the autopilot, close your eyes, the rest of course is predictable, it's best not to wake up before you hit the wall at the end. It's easier this way, if you can suppress the memories of the way things used to be.
            There is no escape now, resistance is futile. The harder you fight it, the tighter the noose becomes, the more the bonds chafe. It isn't about you anymore, so don't take it personally, 'tis the nature of the beast. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less than what you've settled for.


  1. For most folks, the ones that you call sheep, life that you see as torture is much more precious and beautiful. Sure there are times that boredom sets in, but for the most part, people find fulfillment in things like doing some thing well. This pride carries them. It takes the mundane and make it important. For the rest their hobbies provide their life's satisfactions. For those that can't cope make hobbies out of killing themselves.

  2. Perhaps but it's not for everyone and it's certainly not for me. Most people I know are perfectly content with a predictable existence.

  3. Like the Fight Club quote says...oh wait, I shouldn't do that.
    But you get the idea. The idea of being completely sheltered and ignorant of everything around me isn't appealing. Sometimes I see or read something that really guts me, but at least I see it. It's real, and I don't know how some people ignore that.