Friday, December 3, 2010

Why I despise hipsters or "Artschule Macht Frei"

You've seen them, the kids who shop at thrift stores and wear the Member's Only jackets with capri pants and the most jacked up looking glasses possible. At some point in the last decade, becoming an art school trust fund douchebag became cool because you became cool by not trying to be cool, but prepare for icy stares and disdain when you mention the popularity of the most pretentious, self-absorbed fad since hiphop went mainstream. I guess it's sort of a counter-counter-counter culture, perhaps it's like when you add -1, -1, and -1 and then divide it by the square root of assclown.

I was hating hipsters before it really became cool to hate hipsters. I used to live in Savannah, Georgia which is home to SCAD, probably the most hipster art school west of Austin and south of New York. My favorite bars were often overrun with the little twerps, always trying (but never accuse them of trying) to be more hip than everyone else. Eventually what was once a cool place for live music became hipster central, featuring obscure bands that only two people had heard of and once they played one tour, they were then "not cool" because they had finally sold more than one sleeve of CDs. Seriously.

I understand the importance of growing up and finding what you're comfortable with. I just never saw how wearing your girlfriend's capris and worn out clothes from the thrift store was comfortable and call me crazy, I just can't fathom drinking PBRs if I had the money to drink something better. Let me tell you how much PBR sucks. For me, drinking one PBR is like gagging down a cocktail of paint thinner mixed with urine and last night's spilled beer, rehydrated from the sticky floor under the back booth in a smoky club. Anything more than that and waterboarding seems like a welcome alternative. Yes, I drank my share of PBRs back then because it was all I could afford when I drank with a purpose, those times when you drank to not feel feelings anymore. But, I paid the price the next morning when my body felt like I had been beaten up and my entire digestive system was trying to force last night's bad ideas out of my body as fast as possible. I understand it's "working class" beer and it's union made, I respect that, I'm just not gonna drink it if I have any alternative.

All that being said, I have known some pretty cool people who went through art school and went on to do something besides working in a coffee shop or record store. I guess my main point is that trying to be cool without being cool, trying that hard to differentiate yourself by being into the most obscure things possible, is just silly.


  1. You must have missed the faux hippie movement during the late 80s. That was a scream. LOL!

  2. I'm not getting the PBR tie-in, but otherwise I agree. I rarely see hipsters around here drinking that, and thats my go to, still.

    Though I DO buy better when I have the money lol.

  3. I know a few people that are pretty sure they are hippies.. Just because you smoke pot and tyedye everything you wear does not make you a hippie. These hipster dipshits bother me too. I saw one at walmart last week, I couldn't tell if she was genuinely so fashion ignorant that she came out of the house looking like that intentionally; or if she was a hipster attempting to be ironic. The glasses were a dead give away.. hipster. But the catch 22 here is that the more people despise them the more they will continue to dress like colossal asshats. Next time you see one, tell them they look super cute and trendy.. and that you saw that look in the last months Cosmo magazine available for purchase at target... if that doesn't get their ass squared away then there is no hope.

  4. I will have to remember to do that